October 05, 2005

Jane Mock - Sophie and Ray's Unity

My name is Jane Mock, also known as "Miss Jane," which is important information for part of this memory.

I've known Sophie for 20 years. We met in a college drama class, and found out that our dads had actually known each other when they were teenagers. So, my friendship with Sophie feels very familial. And sure enough, I've always felt welcomed by her family.

I remember when Sophie first told me about Ray. She and I were driving over Divisadero to see "Muriel's Wedding" at the Kabuki Theatre. She told me about this wonderful guy that she'd met in her boxing class. The first time I had met Ray was at Sophie's 30th birthday party. Sophie was radiant at that party, and seeing her standing next to Ray, it was obvious that she'd met a charming, intelligent gentleman who truly appreciated her. They were magnificent!

I was so touched when this real "guy's guy" started calling me "Miss Jane." Because this has been a real term of endearment from Sophie, it made me feel loved and accepted by Ray. Whenever we saw Sophie and Ray, he'd say, "Hello Miss Jane." When he picked up the phone, he'd tell Sophie, "It's Miss Jane." When Laurent and I were feeling defeated about how long it was taking for us to get pregnant, I called Sophie one night. Ray picked up the phone, and when I started to cry, he listened, and then talked to me about how everything would be all right. After I got off the phone, I was just so amazed by this man who wasn't uncomfortable with a sobbing woman on the phone. His compassion came from his own heart, but I also felt that he was speaking in solidarity with Sophie.

Another early Ray memory that showed this unity with Sophie was when he picked up Sophie from a girls' brunch. A whole gaggle of us had been eating, drinking and yakking throughout a Sunday morning. Ray came to pick up Sophie in the early afternoon and just sat, perfectly at ease, while we said our long goodbyes. Here was this tall, tall man just enjoying seeing his gal Sophie bask in her friendships. I think that he valued how important Sophie's friends are to her. He truly took an interest in her friends and made time for them. They were a real team.

I paged through all the pictures on this website and there's just so much evidence of that unity and sense of a "team" or "duo." There are so many things that I didn't know about Ray until I went to his memorial service and until I read the many stories on this website. His extensive travels, education, and solid relationships with friends, family and extended family really show that he was a "man of the world." I bet that this quality contributed to his ability to show compassion for people, ask lots of questions, and to be perfectly at ease at a hen party!

Another thing I found out after Ray died is that he loved to play dominoes. Oh, how I wish that I could have played a game with him! So, Sophie and I will need to play sometime and raise a glass to her prince.