February 24, 2005


Last year, today was Mardi Gras. and we celebrated in a big way, our-family-style. Silvia dropped Rose off at Ray's jobsite, which she loved, getting to work with daddy. I met them for dinner, we all put on our beads, and went to see Cavalia. It had just opened in SF, its US debut, here for a limited engagement. You could see the big white tents from all over the City. When we'd seen the ad for the show in the paper we thought we were dreaming, it had to have been designed exclusively for Rose -- a "circus" solely comprised of trapeze artists and HORSES?!!! and it *was* magical, we had an amazing evening -- music and lighting like cirque du soleil, and incredible acts ranging from wild west/rodeo trick riding to a real 'horsewhisperer' who had a team of beautiful horses wheeling and dancing using his voice alone. Rose cried at one point, she wanted so badly to go in the ring with them all. and afterwards we waited until most people had left because Ray hoped to sweet-talk someone into letting Rose pet the performers -- they didn't, but she reminded me of this act just a few days ago, it's one of those wonderful precious memories that she alone carries, remembering how much her daddy loved her and wanted everything for her.

This afternoon, Rose & I are going to run away. I just can't bear to be in our house on the anniversary of Ray's death, can't even stand to wake up tomorrow in our beloved City. I asked Rose what she wanted to do, and she said "go camping". Of course. So we're heading to one of our old fishing holes, a place we can stay inside with a fireplace (camping in Feb? I'm not *that* adventurous), pretend the day doesn't exist. Be in nature. Only talk about the good times. Look at pictures of our three-family. Tell her lots of Ray stories.

To all of you out there who will be remembering and mourning our Ray on this horrible day, thank you, thank you for your love of Ray and your love & support of Rose & me. Spread a little Ray-sunshine around in your life. Kiss your loved ones. Tell lots of good Ray stories.